Understanding and Overcoming Seasonal Depression
By Sunita Punjabi, PhD
As we approach the holiday season, there are a couple of things to keep in mind to chase away the holiday blues. The majority of seasonal depression can be attributed to unmet expectations and excessive meaning-making on the part of the brain. It’s natural to have stress in family relationships, and the holiday season can bring up unresolved issues. Also, so many of us have “ideal” views of what it’s supposed to look like to celebrate the holidays, and when it doesn’t look like what it’s supposed to look like, we think something is wrong with us or something is wrong with our family.
Creating purpose for the season:
When things start to deviate from what we would consider “ideal,” which they will because we’re human, I recommend that we spend a few minutes recognizing the power of living a “purpose-driven life”. Not like the book, but the idea of finding purpose in our daily tasks.
When stressful events occur, evaluate the “why” or “purpose” for the parties, celebrations, and even the gift giving, or ask “why” are we taking whatever action causes you stress. One of my clients was extremely stressed about not having the necessary finances to celebrate the season. She told me she couldn’t buy the gifts that she wanted to buy. She couldn’t buy the food and could not decorate the house the way she wanted.
I asked her what the reason was for the celebration. What was her “why” for the event she had planned? After conducting a value exercise, we were able to identify what really mattered to her: her ‘why’ or reason for the holiday was to be a role model for her kids. I asked her if there were ways that she could accomplish that, even though she may not have all the financial resources. We brainstormed things that she could do that would provide the joy, family time, and laughter she really wanted.
Another client felt awkward about meeting her daughter-in-law because she had felt that the daughter-in-law was keeping her from seeing her grandkids. When we reviewed her commitment in this area of her life, we realized that her commitment was really to keep her family together, especially the grandkids. She really wanted time with her grandkids. Whatever her daughter-in-law did or didn’t do was not the focus of her purpose for the holidays. She wanted to create time with her grandkids. We brainstormed around that commitment, and the result was that she created a vacation for her to host her grandkids, and her daughter-in-law could come or not. But her “why” was to keep her family together, so she was going to create with her grandkids.
She, like all of us, had created images in her head of what “happy holidays” looked like. When she got in touch with the “why” of the season, the “how” and the “what to do” became clear. Busy work and life schedules cause a rush of action. It’s very easy to fall into patterns that we think are normal for this season of the year. It’s very easy to get caught up in “what” and “how” to do it.
If we can slow down and get in touch with “why” we want to take the action, we can take action from those answers. The “why” behind every emotion or action can make clear the values that really matter. A second really important factor for any action, and that is your “commitment”. When things don’t go right this holiday season, with your commitment in mind, we can avoid natural human responses to panic or look for blame. This is the normal brain response.
Reminding yourself of your commitment, or “why” you started the actions in the first place, new options for action will come to mind. When something goes wrong, it’s normal for the human mind to think about why things aren’t going right. So the next actions we take are born from what went wrong. That level of thinking will give us more of what we did not want. However, if we take action based on our commitment, which is rooted in our values, whatever comes up and however it gets done, is based on what truly matters to you.
For more information about finding purpose, contact Dr. Sunita Punjabi, Brain Coach Founder, (210) 332-5298 or visit braincoachtx.com.
