By Michelli Ramon
I love a good list. Lists are a bridge over rough water; a way to make the often complex machinations of life a tiny bit simpler. So much to do, so little time in the day, even simple things start to weigh heavily on our hearts.
I’m a psychotherapist for girls and women, which is to say I am a student of the female brain. I’ve helped to raise a girl, my daughter, and I’ve been a girl for nearly 51 years. What I’ve learned in this half-century is that the most daunting tasks for women are the ones that involve the Self. Self-love, -compassion, -care, -advocacy, -prioritization, -(fill in the blank). We struggle with the notion of putting ourselves first. In part, it’s biology. Women are biologically driven to protect and prioritize survival of the family. This is written into our DNA. But we are also taught by the very world we strive to protect that our needs, if we dare to speak them aloud, are selfish and shameful.
Thankfully and most fortuitously, the concept of self-love is being redefined and is finding its way into books, classrooms, social media, and pop culture. Women born after 1990 have been told, at least once, that they need to love themselves more. While the concept gets a bit muddled, it’s nevertheless a movement in the right direction. What we know, what we’ve always known, is that the way we treat ourselves impacts the way we treat the world.
The practice of self-love (and it is indeed a practice) allows us to meet ourselves with tenderness, and to discover again and again that we are worthy of our own care. Like any relationship, the one between you and your Self is complicated. It can be good, then awful, then good again. It can be a daily decision we make or a grand gesture. What it can never be is perfected.
Here, for your consideration, are twenty-five ways to love yourself starting right now:
1. Relax your jaw and drop your shoulders.
2. Pick a flower.
3. Yell. Into a pillow, out your car window, or into the abyss.
4. Make a self-love playlist.
5. Cook an old family recipe.
6. Stretch. Your body will thank you for the space.
7. Hang twinkle lights around your house.
8. Read a book about girls.
9. Hydrate.
10. Say “yes” to help and “no” to fake smiling.
11. Eat a cupcake. Or just eat the frosting.
12. Cuss. Give strong words to your strong feelings.
13. Wear extra blush.
14. Add extra cheese.
15. Sing. Loudly, badly, beautifully.
16. Call an old friend or write her a letter.
17. Clean out your closet.
18. Skip.
19. Cry.
20. Cry some more.
21. Rest. Resting without guilt is revolutionary.
22. Sift through old photos you forgot you had.
23. Inhale.
24. Exhale.
25. Repeat.
Loving yourself is a practice, not a destination. Do it. Do it even when you hate yourself. While it may not feel like it’s helping, I promise it is. Self-love grows in you a wildflower.
Michelli Ramon is a writer, therapist, and dedicated girl’s girl. She is the author of A Book for Girls and the owner of Bird & Branch, a quirky little therapy practice in the heart of San Antonio. Learn more about Michelli at birdandbranch.love or contact her at (210) 316-4057 or michelli@birdandbranch.love.
